If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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