Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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