went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
