I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
