Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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