I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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