I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
