I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
