you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
