Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
