so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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