i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
