I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
