i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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