We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
