Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
