Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
These tits shall not be calmed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
