just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
