I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
