i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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