i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
