mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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