1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love having hate sex.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
