Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
be right there i have to get my cape
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
