3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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