the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
