she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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