Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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