I can text with my tongue
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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