He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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