So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
