And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
