I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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