you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
