Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
