Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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