As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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