What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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