My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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