I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
