We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
