I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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