??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
