Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
