im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
