so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
