i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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