does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
