Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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