1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
