Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
