you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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