We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We're too hungover to prance.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
