someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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