Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
