Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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