apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
