can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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