1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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