So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
