Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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