I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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