I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
