Your tits are I can't wait for
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
