My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
