You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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