Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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