I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
