I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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