i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
