So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
