took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
