in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
