i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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