chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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