haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
