he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
