just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
